Just a Quick Update

A couple of things; well to be honest a whole host of things has occurred since I last posted anything on here those 4 months ago. With a number of things that I was sure wasn't included in any of the posts prior to this.

Firstly to clarify what I actually do for a living now, which isn't that much different from what I've done before though I can somewhat understand how my forays into some 'projects' and declarations of future endeavors may add further to the fires of such confusion. I am, to put it as simply as possible, employed as a Teacher Assistant in an organization focused in the education of children with autism. Now, I know what you might be thinking - 'Isn't that something that you worked as before?' or 'So you're still working there?' - Well, yes and no. I'm no longer working at Pathlight School as most of my former colleagues there can attest to and I am also no longer under the employ of one AWWA School, as my former colleagues there would attest to as well. And though the title of the vocation is somewhat similar to those positions that used to hold, the scope of the task is somewhat different. Where in Pathlight I've had to prepare SOWs, LPs, etc (I'm sure most of my mainstream teacher friends would know what I'm talking about) in accordance with mainstream expectations of excelling in national exams along with whatever committees that I was tasked with doing along with managing behavior, in AWWA I had the opportunity of simply acting as the copying/printing/laminating guy who also manages behaviour. Now my job scope consists of an amalgamation of some parts of both; a quarter of two parts making the whole so to speak. And in case you were wondering where that is, its at St. Andrews Autism Centre at Elliot Road, which is one of those small lanes off Upper East Coast Road in Singapore. And just in case you still have no idea where that is a brief search on Google Maps would bring up this result; did I mention how much I love Google products? But I digress. Place is nice and the people are, for the most part as great as humans can be. I would like to think that I've adapted to the demands and expectations there but these are dynamic things that would evolve over time, especially considering how new this educational institution is.

A slightly outdated aerial view of my workplace

I'm still plodding on with my studies at Raffles College of Higher Education. Hoping to clear my final module of the Specialist Diploma program come October this year which just happens to be Stats II, something which I'm quite excited by but do also admit of its rather troublesome nature, of which I'm sure most students who had encountered it would also agree. And after that onwards and hopefully immediately onto the Bachelors in Applied Psychology program along with the dissertation. Just as a heads up to all my friends who are currently or will be employed as Special Needs Teachers, the focus of my Stats II assignment as well as my final year thesis would have you guys as the focal point of it, somewhat.

As far as October 2012 is concerned, it is also the time in which my baby boy would be due. Yes, that's right, I said it. It's going to be a boy. At least that is what that sophisticated scanning machine operated by a very experienced sonographer appeared to be indicating, backed up by a thorough reading by one Prof. Biswas of National University Hospital's Women's Clinic. And yes, I'm most eagerly anticipating his arrival. Even got a name picked out but one that shall not be divulged here, at least not till he's born. Want to be keeping the thrill and suspense of it all. We count ourselves blessed to be having very supportive families, friends and colleagues with some even going out of their way to already purchase items or even provide hand-me-downs for our precious little one. For that, we give our thanks from the deepest reaches of our heart.

Also of note to update all my friends and followers (like I have any) is of where I'm residing now. A topic which has also sown much confusion lately. While it is true that I had spent the majority of my life in Hougang and had but a year ago shifted to Selegie, I'm currently now residing with my in-laws in Woodlands. Marsiling Rise to be exact, with Google Maps again providing the more exact location in case anyone should decide to want to pop by for a cuppa and all that.

A much outdated picture of the area; Where I stay is somewhere behind the temple on the right

So yeah it's been somewhat of a minor hassle with regards to the travel to and from work. More with the travel back home from work than anything else. Something which I would discuss in another post at another time.

But yeah, that's about it on the major updates for now. Wishing all of you good health till the next time I get a chance to write here.

That Other Fateful Day

"Sometimes, if not most, it is not about the amount of money, the time you spend or the effort you exerted. By far it is almost, always, about experiencing the journey."


It was the 14th day of the second month in the year 2012 Anno Domini. And it was a Tuesday, which felt much like most other Tuesdays. My wife and I were, for the most part, ready for this follow-up at a gynaecologist who was highly recommended by our family doctor. It wasn't that we needed to go for this re-screening, it's just that we truly needed to after what had transpired the first time around. And much like the first time, I had decided to take the day off, in anticipation of whatever unexpected occurrences that might on a whim just pop up.

When we first arrived at this gynae's office in one of Orchard Plaza's office towers, I had to admit I was a bit skeptical. The place was more set up more like an aesthetics clinic than anything else with pictures and items one would associate with an episode of Nip/Tuck. Nothing wrong with spreading your eggs into more baskets I guess. There were indications of this being a practice in gynaecology however from the odd brochures on pregnancy and motherhood here and there to the prominently displayed, laminated and framed degree in said discipline. The clinic assistants were also very accommodating and made the registration process felt very smooth and most importantly non-intrusive. And it did not take us long before it was our turn for consultation.

My own initial impression of this practitioner was that he was definitely still a subscriber of the old school approach to consultation. Which was not to say that it wasn't a good approach as it was certainly one that we were looking for. And I certainly wasn't taking a jibe at his age, either.

Dr. Lui Pao Shun, though into his 60s still moved and spoke with an abundance of energy that belied his years. Most importantly however, he consulted us with a deep sense of care and concern like how we would've remembered doctors to have done so in the past. A skill that appears to be seemingly lost on this newer generation of health practitioners. He took the time to explain on the varied aspects of pregnancy, the difficulties, the wonders, the science behind it all as well as what science lacks in explaining all of it. He had also gone on to explain that he had been doing more of aesthetic work in the last ten years and only taking on selected cases of pregnancy and delivery, namely those of his family. However, seeing as we were recommended by his close friend (our family doctor) and as to our unique situation of being 'mishandled' by his student (Yup, that's right. That first gynae we went to was at one point apprenticed to him), he had decided to take our case on and in his own words 'treat us like his nieces and nephews'. Needless to say, we were both very touched.

This time around, the experience of viewing our would-be child through the ultrasound was as how I'd hoped and I'm sure how my wife had hoped as well. He explained nearly every facet of what we could see, from the amniotic sac to the yoke and to how one would measure the age of the embryo. In addition to that, he had also done a number of tests, medications and supplements which were at the end of it all, not billed to us.

To the bottom of left of that black thing is where our Dew Drop could be seen.

He was one of the nicest doctor's I had ever had the pleasure of meeting and one which I would no problems in recommending to someone else ... well, other than the fact that he doesn't take on OB/GYN cases unless it's family or under unique circumstances. At the end of it all, we were left with a sense of satisfaction and the peace of mind that was much needed and what we had initially hoped for.

That Fateful Day

It's been close to a year since my last post. Time does fly by, regardless of the existence or otherwise of fun as defined by contemporary terms. Change was the predominant theme of the last three hundred and sixty or so days. Some good, some not and some were to be forever etched in the chronicles of my memory within this short span of existence.

I've switched jobs, though I wouldn't describe this vocation that I currently hold as new. Apart from the dire need of a curriculum and structured systems, it's pretty much an amalgamation of job scopes from two of my previously held positions. My colleagues, for the most part, are nice and the clients are inspiring enough to warrant these minor inconveniences. But this is but one minute level of change among a spate of minute changes in the flow of my life. The most significant, and dare I say life altering, of these changes occurred on Monday, the 6th of February 2012. That was however not to imply that things haven't been building up to that point since the the early days of December of the previous year.

We, that is both my wife and I, had suspected that she was pregnant as early as the December 2011. The physical changes, nausea, purging of food were clear symptoms of pregnancy. Faint second lines on off the shelf pregnancy test kits she took did not help to make the situation any clearer. I for one do not quite give weight to tools which may produce false positive or false negative outcomes. In other words, I do not trust equipment that measures not the object it is meant to measure but instead measures something else that may be indicative of the existence of the object. I understand that most scientific measurement tools has yet to be elevated to the levels of the tricorder but I'm an idealist and that's that. And as if to lend weight to my argument, the supposedly more accurate blood or serum tests showed decisively negative results when she took it in the middle of January this year. And so with the symptoms persisting, we had decided to schedule an ultrasound scan to once and for all confirm or deny the existence of the next of our generation. She had picked a gynaecologist that she was comfortable with and made an appointment for that fateful Monday. I had specifically requested for a delayed reporting time to work for that Monday morning so that I may share in the experience of it all.

But as all things are on life's stage, the play doesn't always follow the script.

We had arrived outside of the gynaecologist's clinic a good hour before our appointment and delighted ourselves to some much needed breakfast. I had chosen a heavier breakfast than normal in anticipation of a long day ahead. Little did I know that this day would redefine what a long day truly meant.

The heavy breakfast

It was only around 15 minutes prior to our appointment time when we received a call from said clinic to inform us that our appointment had to be canceled due to the rise of an emergency that the doctor had to attend to. Setting our thoughts of poor client communication and management aside, we decided to call other nearby gynaecologists in the hopes of being able to secure an appointment and whilst at the same time placate our now ever tense nerves. We were able to acquire an appointment at a clinic in Ang Mo Kio albeit at a later time slot. My wife then suggested for me to go to work and for her to go to the appointment alone but I had decided against it. There was this nagging sense, a vague precognition if you will, that things would not go as smoothly as we would expect. One would even call it the start of a self-fulfilling prophecy. And so I took an urgent leave from work on that day and proceeded to accompany her for the appointment.

When we arrived the clinic seemed, for all intents and purposes, normal. It wasn't until the registration process when we felt that something was not quite right. One of questions the staff was, I assumed, required to ask would be whether or not the couple would like to keep the baby, once confirmed of course. Now there are many direct, indirect, verbal and non-verbal means to ask this but the manner in which we encountered this query really threw us, well me in particular, off.

"You're not keeping it, right?"

Now whether you're like me an avid student of psychology or not, I'm fairly certain you'll be able to fathom the nature of the clinic we were in or at the very least, it's more popular services from that one line. And we should have left at that moment and sought another practitioner but that pressing need and desire to confirm my wife's pregnancy coupled with the difficulty in acquiring a short notice appointment far outweighed what we both, perhaps saw at the time, as a minor inconvenience. During our wait, there were numerous individuals of the female persuasion who were hurried into the second floor of the clinic for them to arrive moments later clutching their abdomen.

The gynae himself, when we did get our turn, did not improve our perception of him or his establishment. Although he did greet the both us with a smile, the conversation after him performing the ultrasound (which took like less than 3 minutes) were littered with phrases of "miscarriage", "complications", "poor embryo quality" and finally culminating in "abort". It would have been too easy and tempting for me to do a case study on this guy on the effects of Conditioning and Desensitization due to one's chosen profession or rather what one had chosen to do with the profession.

The clinic & gynae in question. Avoid at all cost, unless you are looking to get an abortion done.

All in all we paid close to SGD$300 for both the supposed consultation and the ultrasound scan which left the both of us worse off emotionally. It's not about the money or our time, what this Jen Shek Wei took from us, was that initial feeling of wonder and excitement that would be parents would get seeing that black speck that would soon grow into their future sons and daughters for the first time, ever. What he robbed us of was the sense and feeling of hope for a future generation to nurture and care for. He robbed us of all that was meant to be beautiful in that moment for would-be parents to be in awe of viewing their child for the first time.

Although I am sure that he provides a "necessary" service to those who might need it and probably earns quite a sum for them too. Perhaps it would be for the psychological good of this practitioner to retake the Hippocratic Oath and preferably internalize the line:

"I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug."

Took the better part of the day for me to console my wife, inclusive of a trip to our family doctor for assistance in acquiring a more emphatic gynaecologist.

At the end of it all, the only positive thing that I was able to get from that day, is this picture of my would-be child. Who knew that the tiny black speck could inspire such feelings of hope in a guy like me ...

The Story So Far ... From Flag to Flag

Needless to say there have been a lot that has happened since I last wrote on here. What was once an object of exhilaration, me finally making the shift back to an Android based phone; namely the HTC Incredible S from the dreaded iPhone 3GS, became but a footnote in the whole chronicle of my life when compared to other events of significantly greater importance. Namely that of my change in status.

And no, I have not joined the ranks of the living-impaired and am currently either writing this as a spectral entity or a necrotic fleshed zombie with gestating maggots ready to pop. Most definitely not a change in that status, at least I hope, not for the foreseeable future. You see, I just tied the knot. Just being the operative word, with the religious ceremony having transpired exactly 1 month and 24 days ago. Contrary to what most people have recounted prior to my marriage, things have been going rather well, and if I were to exaggerate, amazingly well. Sure there are a few hiccups here and there, most definitely differences in some aspects of our mindsets and approach towards the completion of certain things. However, these are the aspects that make it all so amazing. The fact that two people of dissimilar backgrounds, genetics, life experiences, goals, familial influences, socio-economic statuses could come into a union and strive towards making the union excel, not for the sole primary purpose of their own selves but in the hopes of being able to create a better life for a generation to-be of which all hopes are then placed upon. This is what makes such unions truly a fulfilling experience. Can't wait till I have my own next-generation to lead. And yes my dear, should you read this, that is definitely a hint. Then again, this may be just my wide-eyed, idealistic naivety at embarking on this new stage of my life.

This is not to say that being married frees up a lot of ones' time. Quite the contrary. In fact one could even say that this would be better termed as a challenge on ones time management and of prioritizing their goals for respective aspects of their lives. One that I honestly find to be quite a contest of discipline and self-regulation between my needs, my wants and the idle things that occasionally meander into my thoughts. Definitely a case for saying that marriage has the potential of turning delinquent young boys into responsible men. That is, given that the challenge would be met with a positive mindset and provided that National Service had not already achieved said result already. Though I do admit being in the line of work that I have been embarking on for more than half a decade that the social problems presented do attribute some of their causes to a dysfunctional family unit either born from an improper creation or through sheer neglect. Needless to say, having seen, heard and experienced some part if not the bulk of their stories, I am steadfast in both desiring to assist them in the alleviation of their issues as well as to prevent any such occurrences from transpiring in mine.

Time is such a precious, intangible and irreplaceable commodity of which the bulk is spent either sleeping or working. Both of those taking up at least 14 hours in a 24 hour-day. Not going to cite any studies here as I don't want to turn this into an academic paper. And to those who deem themselves fortunate enough to knock off work after spending 5 hours or less in the workplace, do note that the time you spend at home, cafe, libraries or anywhere else preparing or completing items related to work, counts as work too. I'd know, having worked in one such profession before. And if you're taking up higher education for the purposes of gaining competence and mastering of the subject matter, to challenge yourself beyond your normal scope of ability or simply for a chance at acquiring a more substantial income then you would realize that the first line of this paragraph is but a gross understatement of how valuable time would be to you. I sense this too. Given that I work the normal eight hours per week day with additional occasional weekend work hours and full day events, have new family life commitments, inclusive of setting up of my home and a coming reception and on the education front, I've got a survey to roll out and gather data for (pending approval and hoping to receive it at the soonest), a dissertation proposal to write up, a presentation on an aspect of Neuropsychology to do up as well as a written paper on that same topic and deadlines are coming fast for all them. Needless to say that I am feeling stressed but it's the good kind of stress, one which psychologists term as eustress. I would merely describe it as the good feeling you get attempting to surmount a challenge. And overcome them I definitely will.

Those who know me know of my passion in writing and of the challenges I face in recapturing that habit. As the loss in time I have to pursue such an act of attaining or at the very least progressing towards competence and mastery has really affected my performance in all aspects of my life. This is the other aspect of stress that I'm sure most people would be familiar with. The bad kind. One which psychologists would term as distress and what I would describe as a god awful shitty feeling. In a bid to overcome this, I had created a travel blog and another blog with the purpose of commentating on socio-political happenings in my nation. The former I would expect to update on a more occasional basis as I do not foresee myself going for travels that often, whilst the latter appears to bring with it a tendency of being saturated with potential things to write about. Especially given that my country's General Elections have just officially begun and the hustings well underway with the Polling Day set on 7th May 2001. Though temptations may make we wish to act the part of a citizen journalist and post updates on thoughts and sentiments be it from myself or from the public, I'm afraid that the current constraint on my time and the importance of other matters may, most likely, lead me to not placate this particular want. Though I am determined to continue to write in whatever way, shape or form. Still these are avenues in which I'd hope to, at the very least, lead to experiencing a sense of competence and mastery of something which I professedly love to do.

PS: I started writing this short piece on the 29th April 2011 at around 3:00 pm, admittedly with frequent interruptions and only ended it on 30th April 2011 at 1:24 pm whilst I'm manning the station for the Handicaps Welfare Association's Flag Day. It shows that there's still a thick crust of rust for me getting my thoughts out into writing.

PPS: Oh and if you see the Handicaps Welfare Association's donation tins going around - Do not vote for us but please give generously!

I really do need to come back ...

Without doubt a lot of time has passed since I've wrote anything on here almost to the point of being an unforgivable sin. Especially when it should be noted of the many times wherein I've posted my intent to restart my writing. However due to the seemingly innumerable occurrences that seemed to have tsunami-ed itself into my life over the past several months, my intent on reawakening the severely malnourished literary muse that has laid dormant within myself.

Maybe it was the dreaded sense of creeping emptiness, a soul-sucking void in me not being able to express myself through this medium of alphabet sequencing and arrangement, perhaps it was the acquisition of a new status in my life and all the expectations, exhilaration, adaptations and juggling that came with it, the overbearing anxiety over having to repeat a module of Applied Psychology that I should have aced or maybe it was just a sense of discontentment at not being to express myself the way I want to that is impairing me being able to express myself.

Regardless, I am back and I intend to remain here to write, for without it, I am but a shadow of my once vibrant self.