I guess there’s no other way to say it other than I’m from the future, more specifically, your future. Well, one of your futures anyway if you believe in the idea of multiple timelines and parallel dimensions of existence. Of which I’m very sure you do. And no, I’m not writing this from beyond the grave, not by any means. Be sure that I’ll find more prominent ways of contacting you if that were the case. Not to mention the temporal-metaphysical implications of such a venture, which in itself is a nice sub-plot for a Doctor Who episode. You might not know it now but this will be one of your favourite sci-fi series along similar lines as Star Trek, Babylon 5, etc.
Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be glad to know 15 years on or so, you will still entertain the pseudo-megalomania that has in some if not most ways shaped much of our drives in acquiring or initiating something. This undying need to create an influence for the betterment of mankind, as a whole or in part still plagues us. Not necessarily a bad thing, though selecting a specific focus of particular aspects of humanity’s spectrum of dysfunctions would by its own nature be both a necessary but altogether messy process. Not to mention the conflict between abilities or potential in abilities and of pursued interests further adds to the messiness. And all that is regardless of whichever dimensions of existence you or I may hail from. Perhaps it was due to our perceived birthright, our genealogy, our given name and that which would have been our name. More so given the manner in which we were named giving rise to such perceived implications. I know for a fact that you have struggled with this name of ours. What it means and how it relates to the grand scheme of things as seen by your eyes, whether or not your actions would impact the world in the way it should and of your own significance or lack thereof within this complex meshing of realities.
Charles Gunn (played by J. August Richards) said it best in the Inside Out episode of AngelSeason 4 “The final score can't be rigged. I don't care how many players you grease. That last shot always comes up question mark. But here's the thing. You never know when you're taking it. It could be when you're duking it out with the Legion of Doom or just crossing the street deciding where to have brunch. So you treat it all like it was up to you, the world in the balance, 'cause you never know when it is.” (link) What’s Angel you ask? Only what will be one of your most favourite TV series of all time that would in some and maybe most ways assist in refining your, our moral and purpose compass.
In a lot of ways, this very reason of influencing change for the better is why we seek to be an author. And though I know that you have placed writing on the backseat at this time in your life, preferring to pursue other means of self expression and possible avenues for a career, I’m also very sure that you realize that your potential abilities in those areas are not quite the ideal. Nothing wrong in trying to be the next Jaco Pastorius but through time, you’ll realize that there can only be one Jaco, due to more factors imaginable to you now. Experiences that you will garner through this endeavour though are without a shadow of a doubt priceless and the insights will give you more than just an idea of why most of your musical idols left this realm of existence early. Your current preoccupation with alternative, grunge and punk overtones though are natural, given your age. Nirvana, Green Day, The Offspring, they all kick ass yeah. Helps you to create schemata to deal with all these nuances in what you’re experiencing. You’ll learn more about the whole schema thing way in the future. Hey, even I still listen to them in my age.
Oh and even though I can tell you now that your exploits in pursuing a career as a professional footballer would ultimately come to no avail, pursue it anyway. Trust me when I say that you will be thoroughly tested both physically and mentally and will come out the better from it. Not to mention that you will find other aspects of football more appealing to you than merely being a chess piece in the field of play.
You will ultimately return to written words and the writing of them given due time. That is ultimately the solace for us, both as a form of catharsis and resolution as well as a tool in spreading influence for the betterment of others and a reflective tool.
You will soon read that all throughout history the various ways and means in which literature had inspired nations and cultures to rise and adversely sent them toppling. Of how scores of people are invigorated by ideas proposed through combinations of symbols. From Hitler’s Mein Kampf to the Bhagavad Gita. From Shakespeare’s Othello to Stowe’s Uncle Tom’s Cabin. We both realize the impact of carefully concocted words on the teeming masses, both the intrinsic burden and of their uplifting effect.
Such are notions that I’m sure you’d love to keep hidden for the most part from your friends and even your family. Fear being the main motivation for this. The fear that nobody would understand all this preoccupation with the betterment of humanity through such means as music, written words and elevated levels of fame, all but a means to an end. Or of how such things could even possibly have any impact on you other than a superficial stage that requires one to pass over from. A naïve view of the world before reality sets in and age and the demands of responsibility wither your so-called passion. Stephen King, our most beloved author wrote in one of his intros in the DarkTower series of books that you will, in time, read as “the Highway Patrol Boy who would cut you down for going too fast and having too much fun”. But cut down or otherwise, the Highway Patrol Boy failed in his attempt to slow King down. This in most ways reflect the fear you had in the possible judgment others would impose upon you or your choice of actions and how whatever reasons you may present might seem insignificant, inconsequential, negligible at best if at all. “How will that put food on the table?”“Being an author isn’t a job.”“So you think you can save the world through words?” would be the common representation of the feedback you’d get. Doesn’t matter though, in time, you will learn to harness these fears and skeptical remarks to aid our pursuit of the very same goal they themselves reject the possibility of.
I also know of the rejection you received for one of your original manuscripts from one VJ Times back when we were 12 years of age. Demographics, lack of marketing ability, branding direction and demand were the reasons cited for why the genre we pursued within would not be profitable. Shitty lame ass reason was the thought you had then and honestly its still the same thoughts I’m having now. The fact that you’ve lost that manuscript further added on to the notion that a break from pursuing this dream of ours might be the best option. I also believe that by now, you would have already read much on demographic crap, business plans, marketing and branding and have immersed yourself on how you could, in the future, publish on your own. Take heart in knowing that given developments in your future, it is more of a possibility than you are able to imagine now. Reading has always been one of your better habits and you’ll be glad to know that it is still one of mine too. It is one of the means to acquire knowledge and develop our ability to sift between one crap and another. Add movies, songs and other media and there’s more wonderful shit to sift through and either assimilate or accommodate into our schema.
And trust me when I say that you are not alone in this, not by a long shot. Every author, every writer past, present or future is, was and will be ego-centric. The need to express oneself and by extension create impact within the lives of others is I guess in some ways a social drive within us all, whether we acknowledge it or not. You will get to meet like minded individuals in the most unusual of circumstances from the most unlikely of places and through the most inconceivable means to you at this time. And they will be the most enlightening of people you’d ever meet, you can bet our lives on that.
The jobs that you will undertake in the years bridging from yours to mine will not quite be what you envisioned them to be. And not all of them will be of your choice. Choice or not, there is no doubt in the impact it had on your selection of a profession. Yes, you heard me, there is a very strong possibility that you will be a professional and get your manuscripts published at the same time too. Not quite the ideal but I guess given our limited resources, this is the best course of action.
Of all the things I have divulged to you thus far, vague though they may be I have to admit, the only thing that remains an enigma to me of which I’m sure you will agree are those concerning of the opposite gender.
By now I guess you’ve had one pseudo relationship which is close to the current number that I myself have had. You still feel as though your trust has been betrayed in what transpired then but know that it won’t be the last time. And also know that you do and will take a long time to get over such transgressions. I guess there is a similarity in experiencing betrayal and that of grieving for us. The one that was once there for us is in most ways forever lost to us. Still, it wasn’t as painful an experience for me as that which most would classify as “the one that got away”. For the purpose of easy reference and that individual’s privacy, let’s call her Elle. This name is derived from one of the characters of one of my favourite anime series Rave: Groove Adventure. Oh yes, you’ll be very much into anime and manga too. Either way, I digress. You have not met her yet at this time in your life but knowing you, you’ll easily decipher that name and draw conclusions as to whom I writing about here when you do meet her.
If there was ever the closest thing to this concept of “The One”, she would most probably be it. I don’t really know what went wrong or right in the whole thing. Neither can I justify to you on how I could lose something that isn’t really mine to begin with. You see, we were never really together. I guess all in all I was too afraid to spoil this, whatever it was we had and have it ended up wrong in the end anyway. Sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy and it most probably was. Prophecy or not, it still sucks either way. And I guess, since then most of the women I’ve met have been set against Elle as the benchmark. Unfair to do so, I know as each woman has their own unique qualities but it is always hard not to when one has left such a deep imprint on my very soul. And what makes it ironic is that Elle has somewhat of a forgetful quality about her, similar to the anime character of which she is named, though hers was more of amnesia than anything else.
If I do have a time machine, I would so dearly love to go back through time to fix this perceived error in my life. Maybe that’s why I’m writing to you in the first place, to warn you against making this mistake as I see it right now. And though I have learned much from this mistake with insights that have enriched my life in amazing ways, it just doesn’t feel right. Perhaps it’s a sense of regret at me betraying myself. A consequential grieving process of which I have yet to go through all the stages. Something which I hope to do soon for the good of us both.
Whatever it may be, me knowing you the way that I do, I know you’re one stubborn headed ass. You will plug through life the way that you want to, regardless of the consequences. And this letter, be it prophetic or clairvoyance of your impending future or not, you will continue to plug on anyway. Just like how I am plugging on, regardless of what I know, think or feel might happen. That’s just the way that we are made to be, I guess.
Enjoy the next fifteen years of your life man, you might not realize it but it will definitely go by in a flash.
